


If I Could Fly

by thedeviltohisangel



Series: Real Life Celebrities and Their AU Family [1]
Category: Henry Cavill - Fandom, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Daddy Kink, F/M, Fluff and Smut, In some chapters, Pregnancy, drowning in one chapter but i will warn at beginning, henry cavill as a dad, henry cavill as a husband, millions of dogs and cats
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-10-30 16:46:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10880889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedeviltohisangel/pseuds/thedeviltohisangel
Summary: A series of one shots surrounding Henry Cavill, his wife and children. From pre-marriage on. Any requests for scenarios please let me  know!





	1. I Catch A Glimpse Of Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter does contain smut

“You know, I really hate traffic,” I muttered as I dramatically flopped my head into my hand. My husband smirked at me, only granting me a quick glance. “What? Are you amused by my pain?”

“Now that’s a bit of a stretch, isn’t it darling? You’re merely inconvenienced.”

“Well, I have a devilishly handsome husband who spoils me so these tribulations feel heightened.” I was able to wrangle a full throated laugh for that one, the sound causing a smile to worm its way across my face.

“Glad that I kept you around,” he replied as he stroked his knuckles down my cheek.

“Excuse you? Are you implying, Mr. Cavill, that you merely tolerate me? Or that you ever considered not keeping me around? Because I’m pretty sure the rock on my finger means forever so…”

“You must have a great husband who would make such an investment on you.” I slapped his bicep with my arm, mouth agape.

“You mean, I must be a wonderful woman to have such an investment made on me. Or rather that such a wonderful woman would accept your proposal.”

“Yes. I apologize that I misspoke so grossly.” I hummed with approval, swinging a leg over his lap, so I was straddling him. “What’re you doing?” he asked as one eyebrow quirked up. Despite his questioning tone, I noticed his hand slid to up the partition button anyways.

“Want to know a fun fact?” I asked as I nipped at his ear.

“Tell me.”

“A woman is at her horniest nine days after her period and guess how many days it’s been since my period?” He laughed gently, his hands sliding up and over my bum, ascending until his hands cupped my cheeks.

“Nine?”

“Intelligence is fucking sexy. Especially on you.”

“Well I wouldn’t want my parents thinking that they paid for boarding school for nothing.” I tried to urge him along by grinding my hips down into his, gathering the hem of my dress on my hand for more direct contact.

“I can feel myself opening up already,” I whispered as I dragged an open-mouthed kiss down his neck. At my words, his lips engaged mine in a possessive kiss which left my nipples tightened into painful, ripened peaks begging to be sucked. He was a master at winding me up and providing a release encompassing all the love between us, crashing onto me in one spectacular moment. “Henry, please.”

“Good girls use their words, kitten. Tell me exactly what you want.” He detached his lips from mine fully, giving me an appraising stare as his pointer finger wandered aimlessly to the front of my panties, finding the growing wet spot and clicking his tongue.

“Want your cock, Daddy. Please.” My breath shuddered as his fingers and my hips undulated into perfect synchronization.

“But it’s so much more fun to work you up in all the ways I can think of, before giving you what you want,” he murmured as he looked up at me. I bit my lip with a mixture of a whine and a moan. He increased his speed in response to the wanton sounds my lips were making and the increasingly sloppy circles my hips were making as my pleasure grew.

“Please. I want you to feel good, too,” I gasped, my head falling onto his shoulder as he switched his attention to the right side of my clit, a hidden area he knew made me tick.

“Your pleasure is more than enough for me, my love,” he groaned as his lips came to suck on the tender bit of flesh behind my ear, my body lurching forward and grasping at his shirt, anything to keep me anchored to this world as my orgasm crashed over me. My teeth sunk into the linen that covered his shoulder, my eye rolling into the back of my head as his fingers refused to stop their determined figure-eights.

His name left my mouth like an incantation as I bucked my hips, aching for further contact still, before I felt hot liquid in my panties. I snapped out of my trance instantly and fell back into my original seat.

“Henry you made me squirt!” I smacked his arm. “I can’t go to the premiere of your movie with soaked underwear! I swear to God, it’s allergy season, and they will still be able to smell what we just did.”

“Normally after an orgasm, I don’t get hit. Especially one that ends in you, uh, leaking as such it were.”

“I am angry because you made a mess and we don’t have the time for you to clean it up with that dirty mouth of yours,” I quipped before playfully nipping at his bottom lip.

“There’s a lot of things I wish we had more time for,” he whispered cradling my face in his palms then placing one hand over mine and leading it to the tent in his dress pants. I also came again as I felt it pulse hotly under my touch. I hummed with satisfaction as I felt the limo pull into line behind the other arrivals.

“He seems to want me, too.” That one earned me a chuckle and a sweet kiss with fingers knotted in my hair. “Here. I know something that’ll take the edge off before we can sneak away for a moment alone.” My husband’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I hiked the hem of my dress back up.

“Love, we are approaching the carpet you may want to hide your knickers…” he trailed off as he watched the red lace fall down my legs.

“No knickers!” I cheered. To place the cherry on top of the sundae, I took the thin strip of the crotch and slipped it into my husband’s mouth, letting my honey coat his tongue. “Love you, Mr. Cavill.” I winked as the car pulled to a stop and the ushers stepped forward to open the door.

“You’re in for it tonight, Mrs. Cavill.”


	2. Don't You Want Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of fighting, blood, miscarriage and a soldier being KIA

“I need you to talk to me. I don’t like when you keep everything bottled up and don’t talk to me.” His hand was soft against mine in between us in the back seat of the car, the partition up so we could have our private conversations.

“I’m out of bed, going out to dinner in a large group of happy couples with children. What more would you like me to do?” It came out snippy. I had kept my face facing out the window for the current summation of the ride but didn’t pull my hand from his grasp. Rejecting physical contact so openly might’ve broken my husband.

“I know, and I’m very proud of you. It’s taking a lot of strength for you to be here.” I nodded and blinked back my tears, wanting to be as strong as he thought I was, though I knew it didn’t actually matter to him. I could break down and fall apart, and he wouldn’t say anything, just gather me against him and put me back together. He’s done it before.

“I just know someone is going to bring it up and then…”

“I’m going to be with you the whole time. If you fall, I’m going to catch you. You know that.” He shifted himself closer to me and pulled me into his embrace. “Deep breaths.” He hummed softly in my ear as I was dragged back from the brink of darkness, a hole I had too easily fallen into in the past couple weeks since the second miscarriage after our wedding.

“I love you,” I whispered into his arm that was pulled across my chest, anchoring me to him.

“I love you, too. Are you ready to get out now?” I nodded with a sigh as he slid out of the car, grasping my hand as I followed suit. We hooked arms and made our way into the restaurant, navigating towards the private party area where my friend Meredith was having her birthday celebration.

I was separated from Henry almost immediately upon entering, pulled in different directions by our respective friends.

“Happy birthday; oh my God! Here’s a little something for you,” I said handing her the bag with tissue paper sprouting from the top of it.

“Love this bag! Definitely keeping it. Let’s get you a drink.” I tried to look over my shoulder as I was dragged to the bar to see who my husband had gotten mixed up with, but too many people who were taller than me were obscuring my view.

“Your husband looks absolutely amazing in that button up by the way,” Melanie hummed as I found her on a bar stool.

“Sometimes I buy his clothes a size too small just for the extra view, you know?” I giggled as I accepted a glass of wine from the birthday girl.

“This is the last time I’ll even allude to it, but I know it was difficult for you to get yourself here today, and I just wanted to thank you. I’m positive you’ll be a mom one day and when you do, you’ll be the best one.” Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, I said to myself on repeat as I clinked glasses with the small group of people around me, accepting their condolences with tight lips.

“Now drink that glass quickly. It’s been too long since I’ve seen you drunk!”

It was that time of night when the party had dwindled down and only people who had waited too long to catch up were lingering or those who were too warm and cozy from drinks to fully contemplate leaving.

“Look at this little miss all alone at the bar.” I looked up from my phone to find someone I really hadn’t hoped to see.

“Will, hi.” I had dated him for almost a year in between James and Henry, had run away when he started talking about marriage and kids. It was before I was comfortable with the idea of marrying a man that wasn’t James.

“You’re too pretty to be alone.” Uninvited, he sat on the stool next to me and the smell of beer invaded my nose.

“I think you’ve had too much to drink,” I mused looking around for my husband.

“Saw you walk in with a guy. Who was he?”

“My husband.”

“Sure. If that’s what you’re telling people.” I shook off the comment reminding myself he was just drunk and, possibly, jealous.

“What’s going on over here?” Henry appeared by my side with perfect timing as usual, his hand slipping around my waist protectively.

“This is Will; Will, this is my husband, Henry.” I had told him the story of me and Will before, so he knew he was dealing with a former flame. He extended his hand politely, but Will shrugged it off, and I felt my husband’s mood turn sour.

“Are you ready to go?” His tone told me that he was, and we were going to be leaving swiftly, his hand already extended to help me down and out of the restaurant.

“Heard you don’t have any kids,” Will slurred from the bar. It was no shock to me that he would know and most likely also know the intimate reasons behind our struggles. There had been a time when I had, myself, divulged my fertility woes and worries to him. “A real man would’ve given you a baby by now. I would’ve given you a baby by now.” I noticed my husband move into a defensive stance as though he was shielding me with his body. I wasn’t sure if it was his own pain motivating this reaction or if it was a primal need to shield me from potential pain.

“Baby, he’s not worth it; let’s go home.” I kept my voice soft and soothing, stroking his arm to try and melt away the tension residing in his muscles.

“Keep my family and anything to do with them out of your mouth, got it?” He kept his voice even, but anyone listening would know it was laced with a threat.

“I’m sure you can’t even get it up at night. Probably fuck your secretary all afternoon-” One minute I was holding onto my husband’s am like I was an anchor keeping him tethered to the land and the next there was the sickening sound of bone cracking bone.

My hands flew to my mouth to stifle my scream. I’d never known my husband to be one who was capable of being consumed by rage. I’d seen him angry, of course. For tiny things such as the rugby match on television or big things like a deal falling through. But never would I call what he exhibited rage. But this, this was rage.

I can imagine in nature when an alpha male felt his family was threatened, he attacked with blood in his eyes and can only compare the scene to such an image.

“Henry, stop! Get off of him!”

Needless to say the car ride home had been silent. It was his turn to pull away when I offered my hand to his in the middle of the seat. I assumed his silence was partially out of embarrassment, even a little bit from left over adrenaline. I had never seen him fight before or seen a fight, period. James would come back from training with plenty of cuts and bruises every once in awhile. It wasn’t the blood that bothered me; it was the fact that it was Henry’s blood.

We walked silently into the house and up the stairs, him disappearing into the bathroom as soon as he was able to, shutting the door behind him. With a sigh, I dropped my heels by our bed and walked over to the door.

“Baby?” I pressed my ear to the door to try and listen to see if he was making any noise.

“I just need a minute.”

“Let me in. We don’t have to talk about it; I just want to see you.” I heard the lock click open, and I pushed my way into the room, hopping onto my side of the vanity as he was bent over his. “Let me look at your hands,” I whispered, extending my own out to his. He came to stand in front me and let me place gentle kisses over his knuckles.

“I’m sorry.” I shook my head and grabbed a washcloth to dab over the broken skin.

“You don’t have to apologize. He was being an ass and talking about things he had no business talking about. It’s a soft spot for us both right now. Love that I have my own protector,” I murmured placing a kiss to his forehead that I could easily reach with my new height.

“It’s not just the scene I caused that I want to apologize for, but for the fact that he was right. Not about the secretary part but…I go to work everyday and earn a paycheck and put food on the table. I’ve put a roof over our heads and shoes on your feet and I stay healthy and fit for you and create a surplus so you never have to worry about stability. I check every box a husband should, but I’m an absolute failure as a man.”

“No, no, no,” I whispered cupping his cheeks in my hands. “Don’t talk like that, Henry.” He sounded so defeated that I had silent tears running down my cheeks, stubborn tracks on his face, too.

“The one thing I, as a man, should be able to do is give my wife a baby, and I haven’t done that. All three times we’ve been told they can’t find the heartbeat or that something just wasn’t right…I feel responsible for your pain. I know how empty and unfulfilled you feel around your friends and my nieces and nephews, and I cannot put into words how sorry I am for not being able to fix that anguish for you.” As the first sob racked his body, I pulled him tighter against me. I knew he tried valiantly to keep his emotions from me, saving it for his early morning shower or a brief moment alone in his office during the day.

I could do nothing but hold him against me and pray to whomever is above that we survived this pain.


	3. Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of fertility issues, allusion to smut.

The next morning, I woke up with a stiff neck and my arm asleep, perks of being the big spoon for one night. I felt a kiss being placed on the center of my chest, and a smile spread across my face as love radiated throughout my body.

“Good morning,” I whispered. He tilted his head up so our lips could meet in a proper kiss. “Are you feeling any better?” We had gone to bed the night before with my husband cradled against me. He had felt lost, sad, angry, guilty, and everything else all at once resulting in his walls crumbling in a way I had never seen before.

“A little bit. Eventually, everything will feel okay again.” Without him needing to say anything, I could sense he had a question forming on his tongue.

“Go ahead and ask, curious George,” I teased before pecking his nose.

“No, I was just wondering why he would mention us not having children.” I let my fingertip trail from his forehead, down the slope of his nose and across the plush skin of his lips.

“He knows it’s a sore spot,” I whispered in response. “There was a time when I trusted him and thought I could have that type of future with him. So I was entirely open with him about my PCOS, everything. Maybe last night he just wished to exploit. He always was a malicious drunk. We were close, never close enough.” My finger mindlessly returned to tracing his lips.

“I’ve never held you responsible for any of our struggles, you know that, right? I’m sorry you had to be stuck with someone who made you feel less than you are worth, but I am so thankful you found your way into my office that day.” I rolled off of him and blushed.

“Henry, you promised we wouldn’t have to talk about that day ever again!” Before I could get up and tug on my silk robe, his arms encircled me from behind and tugged back into the warm nest of our bed. I giggled breathlessly as he nuzzled his stubbly cheek into the junction where my neck meets my shoulder. “I’m glad that I have you.” The words were mumbled into his skin, him absorbing them on impact.

“You’re going to be a Mum one day. I promise, even if it’s the last thing I do.” I pulled his face from where he was snuggled comfortably.

“I’ll be happy even if it doesn’t happen. I’ve got you, how couldn’t I be?” I could sense he wanted to make a comment about the validity of that statement, but thankfully he didn’t press it any further. I let my hand traced down the front of his chest, resting just beneath the waistband of his sweatpants. “You’ll be a great, Dad. I know you worry, with your schedule and everything.” He smirked, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.

“I think we psych ourselves out by thinking about it too much.”

“You’re probably right. Subconsciously, I think wishing it to be true will make it so.” He pecked my lips and leaned up to offer me another when the sound of barking could be heard from down the stairs. “That one is yours, not mine,” I teased, recognizing the bark as Kal’s.

“Good practice for getting up for a crying baby, yeah?” he muttered as he untucked himself and grabbed his shirt from where he had discarded it on the floor last night.

“Always looking for the positive, my love.”

“Considering you are always looking for a fight, someone has to.”

“Excuse me but if standing up for my beliefs and arguing in an educated manner is something you frown upon-” The look he gave me showed that I had proven his point too aptly.

“Chocolate chips in your pancakes?” he called as he made his way out of our room and down to attend to his furry children.

“I think I might’ve used them all for our food play experiment the other night,” I replied with a giggle as I trotted my way down the staircase.

“I’m still finding melted chocolate in my chest hair,” he griped, peering down as if he was looking for more specks as we spoke.

“Well, seeing as it’s my fault, maybe I should help clean you up.” Before he could even protest, I doubt that he would even dream of it, my hands slid under the hem of his shirt and lifted it away. “Now, direct me to the spot of the crime.” I sunk to my knees as he used his finger to direct my tongue lower and lower until his pants had dropped, too.


	4. Won't You Follow Me?

Madeline was cuddled up to my chest, a fluffy blanket cocooning us both, while Bravo played on the television. She was only 48 hours old, half of that time being spent at our home and the other half at a hospital. The grey pajamas that I have sought comfort in for years, from James’ passing to the three miscarriages, hadn’t left my body since I walked through the door. My finger tapped against her pacifier gently before tracing over her chubby cheeks and slipping to her fingers that were resting against my collarbones. I found a speck of dried milk caked into a roll of her wrist, from where it had dribbled out of her mouth during a feeding.

“Baby?” I call for Henry, who is in the kitchen filling the dishwasher and getting the pets their food for the night.

“Yes, my love?” He comes strolling in with a dishcloth, drying his hands. He’s wearing the navy blue shirt I love so much on him; it clings to his arms in the most delicious way, and I almost groan at the fact that I have to wait six weeks before touching him in the way that I want.

“I think our little bean could use a nice wipe down with a washcloth. She has milk hidden everywhere,” I giggle as she looks up at me with wide eyes.

“A messy eater just like her mummy.”

“Excuse you! That’s only when I eat spaghetti!” I knew he wasn’t buying my defense as he put the towel back, then came and picked her up from my chest. She kicked her leg and let out a little whimper at being removed from the warmth that our cuddling had provided, but she quickly adjusted and wiggled her way against her daddy until he was comfy again.

“Let’s gets you all clean, little Miss.” He kissed her gently on the top of her head before extending his hand to me in order to help me rise from the couch. “You going to be okay on the stairs?” I nodded in response, warmed by his worry.

“I wonder if you’ll grow up to be a bath girl, Maddie. Mommy wasn’t until Daddy got her a really nice one.” It was true. Ever since a proper one with jets and everything had been installed in the master bathroom, I loved to sink in with a glass of wine and just relax.

“There’s a possibility you were even conceived in the bathtub.”

“Henry! You can’t say stuff like that in front of her. She’s very impressionable at this age. And besides, she was conceived on our trip to Italy.” We entered the bathroom, and he looked to be deep in thought.

“But when in Italy? There were multiple times actually in the bed, but then also the balcony, that bathtub, on the private beach…” I giggled and smacked his arm gently but gave him a kiss nonetheless.

“You’re something else. You want to hold her whilst I wash?” He nodded in agreement, sitting down in my vanity stool and placing her on his lap so he could undress her in preparation. She squeaked in discontent as the cool air hit her previously protected skin.

“Daddy is so sorry, munchkin, but he wants you to be clean and healthy.” I smiled watching him coo over her, feeling my heart swell in my chest and hormones that made me want to cry. “Darling, what’s wrong?” He pulled Madeline tight against him with one arm, gathering me into his chest with the other.

“It’s these hormones still,” I sniffled. “I can’t wait until I’m not so damn emotional anymore.” He smiled into my hair, rubbing soothing circles on my back.

“You just had a baby; you are allowed to be a little weepy.”

“It’s just that you’re so good with her; I always knew you would be, but I had let myself think over the years that I would never be able to give you the chance to be a father, and now she’s here, and I still can’t believe it. Everything we’ve worked so hard for, and she’s finally here with us. It’s a lot to feel at once, you know? I’m sorry.” I wiped under my eyes and kissed Madeline’s cheek that was facing me. I looked up and saw tears glistening in Henry’s eyes as well, and, without him needing to say so, I knew that he was thinking about the times where he had had the same fear. The endless needles and specialists and hoping that lead to only negatives for so long.

“But she’s here now, and she makes everything worth it.” I nodded my head in agreement and stroked her tuft of hair gently.

“I wonder if she will ever know how much she truly means to us. Everything we had to do in order to have her here.”

“We get to spend the rest of our lives trying to show her,” he whispered as he melted under her gaze.

“Okay let’s get this pumpkin cleaned up.” He supported her head as he held her over the bathtub, blowing raspberries against her tummy as I swept the washcloth around her tiny body, between every fold of precious baby skin. I was extra careful to avoid her umbilical cord, which still had a couple weeks before it fell off, and she could have her first proper bath. 

Later that night, she was having her skin-to-skin time with her proud papa, and I emerged from my own bath and cuddled right up next to them.

“Make you feel better?” He had been reading a parenting book, thumbing through them almost nightly, but closed it and put it on his nightstand before pulling the blanket tighter around all of us. I hummed in response to his question.

“You know we’re like a proper family now,” I muttered before kissing his shoulder.

“Is that right?”

“Yeah we have dogs and cats and now a baby. I’m very proud of us.” I propped myself up so I could kiss him properly on the lips.

“Six weeks, huh?”

“It’s going to be torture, I know. But just think about how much sweeter it’ll be.”

“Maybe I’ll take you somewhere tropical with private beaches, so you won’t have to worry about packing too much clothing.”

“Henry, there are innocent ears, Jesus. You really need to work on your self-control.” I saw the retort come to his mind, but I stopped him before he could let it travel out of his lips.

“Just hold me. I’m sleepy.” I snuggled in closer, mumbling my love to him and my daughter, happy for the family I had worked so hard for and waited so long for. Everything in my life finally felt at peace.


	5. What Happens Here, Stays Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit smut

“I’m mad at you.” The tiny chihuahua offered a whimper, nuzzling her face against my leg. “Penny, I don’t ask for much of you. Just no chewing shoes with red soles, ok?” I took her face in my hand to make sure that she was looking at me, probably looking ridiculous to any outsider. If I wasn’t home alone, I probably wouldn’t talk to her this way. The teasing from my boyfriend was not worth it.

I had shed a few tears upon finding teeth marks in my newest pair for the ever-growing collection. While Henry did enjoy the occasional bite, I could be certain he had enough self-control to not ruin his new favorite pair. “No. Leave them.” That night I had snuck a glance over his shoulder and shuddered with the image of my legs wrapped around his torso, red leather heels digging into the muscled skin of his back.

Penny was lucky that I loved her.

I returned to my glass of wine that was sitting the counter, refilling twice more. Henry had been back to London on business for the past week and to welcome him back, I was making pizza, assuming he had missed it surrounded by nasty food like black pudding. We hadn’t been able to talk much over the phone either. Forget fighting a timezone; that would’ve been too easy. Try fighting the schedule of Superman. It didn’t matter how much love was between the two of us, sometimes work just had to come first. The oven beeped, and I pulled my two concoctions out, placing them on the stovetop. I felt a furry body weave its way between my legs, and I picked Flora up easily, kissing the top of her head.

“You always put me first, don’t you, Flora?” My heart surged out of my chest when I heard the sounds of a key being turned in the lock. With a gasp, I ran towards the door, barely giving him time to fully step in before my lips were on his.

“Could you maybe put the cat down first?” he teased as he dropped his bags.

“Oh! Sorry.” I placed her gently to the floor and she scurried off. With no barrier between us, my body molded against his like it was second nature. Greedy hands ran up his chest, settling for a moment against his pecs but then continuing upwards until fingers weaved through his hair, and all my strength was used to try and get him closer. He responded hungrily, a man lost at sea and looking for sustenance. His strong arms wrapped around my waist and tightened as he tried to crush me against him, make us whole again after so long apart. He pulled away with my bottom lip between his teeth and a moan leaving my mouth. “That’s not fair.”

“I smell pizza.” He offered another peck and a smirk before I discarded his shoes and threw his jacket over the arm of the couch, his tie following.

“Made with love,” I joked as I sliced it and put it in the middle of the table. He helped himself and I sat with an empty plate in front of me, admiring him.

“Are you not having any?”

“Not hungry. For food, at least.” He recognized the twinkle in my eyes, I knew he did, but in order to really emphasize my point, I trailed my foot up the leg of his chair and brushed my toes lightly against the bulge in his pants. He stiffened and looked at my foot with contempt.

“Are you trying to be punished later?” My toes continued their languid strokes.

“But I followed the rules. I didn’t touch myself…Daddy.” His hand was around my ankle in an instant. I knew the power the word had over him. It may represent dominance on his part but with that name in my arsenal, I held the leash.

“And how can I be sure?”

“I can show you. Let me show you how much I need you.” I dropped my foot back to the floor before standing up and moving so I was straddling his lap. My forehead dropped to his, my thumb pulling at his bottom lip in a provoking manner.

“Earn it,” he whispered directly into my ear before nipping at it gently. To spur me forward, he bounced his leg underneath me once. I gasped before composing myself and moving so I was only straddling one of his thighs. “But these have to come off first.” His fingers slid between my thighs and snapped the waistband of the panties I was wearing. I stood up and slowly peeled my clothing from my body. “Turn around.” Obliging without a second thought, I turned around and bent over before removing my underwear and making sure he had the view he desired. I stiffened and stood up as a hand was smacked across my ass, making my knees buckle slightly. I knew that meant the teasing on my part had to be over, and I made my way back to his lap where he was smirking with delight.

His hands found my hips as I nestled myself onto his thigh. My breath stuttered every so slightly as I started to grind against him. His hands tightened their grip and made sure I stayed at a slow pace, the fabric of his pants only swelling my clit.

“Are you going to leave a stain again, kitten?” I felt his lips brush innocently against my ear before his leg jerked up to meet me halfway, the contact making me moan and fall forwards in order to use his muscular shoulders for support.

“Please,” I moaned as my lips attached to his neck, his hands urging me to go faster against him, “Please let me come.” I was panting now, a thin layer of sweat on my body from exertion, and I felt flushed all over.

“Look at me.” I forced my head up from its spot where his neck met his shoulder. I whined, my hand fisting the material of his button up as the sensation within me tightened. Soundlessly my mouth dropped open, toes curled, and I relied solely on his hands to work me through my orgasm.

“Yes, yes, yes,” I chanted as pleasure left trembling muscles in its wake and a tingling all over, concentrated between my legs.

“Good girl. So pretty when you come for me.” His hand reached down and whispered across the button between my legs, collecting some of my leaking honey. “Taste.” I brought his finger into my mouth and whilst keeping eye contact I sucked him clean. Letting my soft tongue caress every inch he offered me, swirling it provocatively around the tip and hollowing out my cheeks.

“Want your cock in my mouth,” I whispered as my lips found his jaw line, kissing across it while my fingers found the buttons of his shirt and slowly undid them. I pushed the offensive fabric off his shoulders, and he shrugged it off the rest of the way. “This, too.” I pouted as I pulled at the fabric of his undershirt, smiling once that, too, was removed. I took my time reacquainting myself with his newly exposed skin. My thumbs tracing their way around his pert nipples, the patch of hair over his pecs that followed a line down his abdomen into his pants.

“I love you.” He let his emotion crack through for just a moment, indulging me with those words, his hands shaking slightly as they slid up my body.

“Don’t leave me ever again.” I muttered before opening up my mouth over his, tongues meshing together and desperation leaking between us. He kissed me even hungrier than he had before, locking my legs around his torso before standing up and placing me on the kitchen island. I gasped into his mouth and pressed myself closer against him, heels kneading into his ass.

He moved his lips from mine and nipped lightly at my jaw before his lips enclosed around my right nipple, pulling the ripened skin into his mouth while his other hand tweaked at my left. I moaned, stroking his hair away from his face as he kept eye contact with me.

“Fuck, that feels so good,” I moaned throwing my head back as he switched to my other breast.

“Look at me, or I’ll stop,” he warned with a pinch. My eyes found his again immediately. He stood back up to his full height, one finger slowly easing its way into my pussy. He pumped it ever so slowly in and out of me, lips ghosting over mine and not offering a kiss, just teasing. I tried to sneak my own hand down in order to play with my clit, but he caught my wrist easily without breaking concentration.

“Fuck, please. I need more.” Wordlessly, he slid in another finger but still moved at a snail’s pace. “Henry.” His name came out in a moan and he abruptly removed his fingers from me entirely.

“Upstairs. Now.” I meant to follow his command promptly but found myself enthralled when he slipped his two fingers into his mouth and licked my honey off of them. “Can’t wait to taste it directly from the source,” he promised darkly. My knees buckled under his gaze as I landed off the counter, a swift hand to my bum warning me that I wasn’t moving fast enough for his liking.

I moved as fast as my pleasure-weakened limbs would allow me to up the stairs and into my bedroom. My back landed on the mattress, and my muscles fidgeted as I waited for my boyfriend to grace me with his presence and quench the thirst he had awakened inside of me. I knew better than to call out for him or touch myself in order to pass the time. One only makes that mistake once.

The door opened and in he came, bathed in the light of the hallway looking like an angel here to rescue me from the pits of sexual desire. I lifted myself onto my forearms in order to get a good look at the most delectable predator. He kept his eyes locked onto mine as he undid his belt, popped his button and pulled the struggling zipper down agonizingly slow.

My mouth watered in anticipation, it was like watching the waiter walk to my table with a tray of food just for me. 

“I think I’ve found what I was hungry for,” I smirked as I crawled to the end of the bed so my face was level with the tent in his boxers, I nuzzled my face into it affectionately, revelling in the feel of his skin tightening underneath my touch.

“Be a good kitten,” he whispered as he kicked his pants off the rest of the way and held my hair in a ponytail. I smiled up at him, gratefully, before extending my tongue to trace along the waistband of his underwear. I sponged kisses down and up his defined lines that met in a ‘V’ at the apex of his thighs, slowly peeling away fabric to expose more skin for me to worship. Once I got them down far enough he disposed of them, and I licked the velvet skin of his cock from base to tip.

“Missed this, Daddy. Missed you,” I murmured. I kept my eyes wide and on him the entire time as I tilted my head and attached my lips at the root of his shaft, sucking in that spot I knew made him shudder. With a giggle, I used the tip of my tongue to trace the large vein that throbbed with desire on the underside of his cock, sucking his swollen tip into my mouth like I would a popsicle on a hot day. He sighed, releasing the tension he had kept pent up since the last time I was able to relieve him in such a way.

I took as much of him into my mouth as I could, letting him press hot and heavy against my cheek where his hand was caressing my face.

“So beautiful,” he murmured as if lost in a trance. “Lie back.” I whined slightly as I had been aching to taste him, have him fill my mouth and quench the desires only he could stir up within me.

“Wanted to taste your come,” I pouted but laid back on the pillows anyways, letting my knees drop to the sides in order to accommodate his body between my legs. He ignored me and swallowed my pleas with a kiss. Our tongues met in the middle, tangling with each other in a battle for dominance in which I surrendered willingly.

His large hand pushed my thighs apart farther, his silky shaft rubbing against my clit. I gasped, and he smirked before nipping his way down the valley of my breasts to my belly button and finally to where I needed him most.

He sponged kisses along the tender skin of my thighs, paying special attention to the large birthmark I had once tried to hide from him. His thumbs spread my swollen, outer lips as he appraised me, kissing my clit once gently. I twitched underneath him, my fingers gripping the comforter in my fist in anticipation.

He shushed gently as he completed a slow stroke up and down the pearl of pleasure.

“Relax, baby, yeah? I’ve got you.” My lower lip tucked between my teeth as he licked the finger that had been on me, a satisfied moan falling from his mouth.

“Please,” I whimpered, my own hands cupping my breasts and pinching my nipples in a futile attempt to relieve some of the ache. I was quieted immediately as he latched onto my clit, and he hollowed his cheeks. My head fell back with my mouth open in a soundless moan, his arms wrapping around my thighs in order to keep me open for him.

He closed his eyes in euphoria, his tongue lashing mercilessly at my bud and my thighs quaking. My hips tried to buck their way up to him, desperate to reach the source of my body’s pleasure, but he detached with a growl and pushed my legs apart wider.

“Impatient tonight, are we?” He flattened his hand and began to rub my clit relentlessly, mocking my moans as I panted above him. “That feels good, yeah? Like having your little clit pet?”

“Yeah,” I whined. I could feel a flush rising in my chest, a knot coiling itself tighter and tighter in my lower stomach. “Daddy, you’re going to make me come.” He sped up the actions of his hand.

“Is that how a good girl asks?” He delivered a quick spank to my pussy, causing me to moan and shudder at the same time.

“Daddy, may I please come?” I was biting so hard on my lower lip I thought I might draw blood as I tried to keep my orgasm at bay.

“Since you asked so nicely, come.” As if he had the power to control my body, he more than likely did, the word left his mouth, and chemicals did the rest.

My toes and fingers curled into the sheets, shuddering breaths and moans leaving my parted lips. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I thrusted my breasts into the air, nipples tight and pebbled. I hit the mattress with a pant, Henry crawling up my body and engaging me in a bruising kiss, my legs wrapping around his waist where they belonged.

“You’re not wearing those heels I love,” he whispered as it was my lips turn to worship his skin, kisses trailed down his neck and a nip on his Adam’s apple.

“Pen ate them,” I murmured as I sucked a hickey onto the smooth column of his neck.

“That dog has a vendetta against me.” My kisses were cut short as I felt him slid into me effortlessly, the final piece of the puzzle in place. I sighed with content into his mouth, noses bumping and teeth clashing in our desperate attempt to be together in as many ways as possible. I spurred him on with my heels digging into his peach-shaped bum, his arms pushing himself into a plank above so his hips could snap forward and back at a faster pace. The sound of love slicked skin hitting skin brought me closer and closer to the brink for a third time that night.

“Henry,” I moaned, leaning forward to bite on his shoulder.

“Let the neighbors hear you, kitten. Let them know who fucks you right and makes you feel this good.”

“Fuck,” I panted as my hands roughly pulled him into a kiss.

“Come, on, baby. Come for me.” His face pulled into a look of total concentration, his thrusts reaching a pace of determination, grinding against my clit with each rush forward. My orgasm racked through me and left me as a trembling girl in its wake. “You want me to pull out?” He asked as best he could in his pleasured state, holding on just long enough to provide me the courtesy, seeing as the condom had been forgotten in our haste to make it to bed. I shook my head ‘no’ and his rhythm faltered ever so slightly, a questioning look sent in my direction.

“I’m sure. Want to be close to you tonight,” I whispered with my teeth pulling his bottom lip out as he moaned. He stilled inside of me with a groan that made me feel ready to go all night long and then some. His forehead dropped to my shoulder and I could feel him soften but neither of us made any attempt at separating. I placed soft kisses to the top of his head, twirling his budding curls around my finger while he returned the tiny displays of affection to the skin of my shoulder.

“Missed you more than I thought I would,” he murmured sounding as if he was drifting to sleep. I had utterly forgotten the fact that he was battling jetlag and hunger, my hormones not taking that into consideration.

“Felt like you took a little piece of me with you,” I replied as he rolled onto his side in order to face me, hauling the comforter over us.

“How would you feel about moving? I mean into my place. Permanently. I like the idea that you’re the first thing I see when I get home from work or travel.”

“You just want to get laid first-thing when you walk in the door,” I smirked before kissing him slowly and deeply. “That sounds amazing. I’m in.” He smiled a true and genuine smile before rolling me underneath him and working me up and down for many more times that night.


	6. Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of potential drowning

“Who’s turning one today?” Isabella clapped her hands in excitement because, if her mother was happy, then she was happy. “You have to stop growing up, okay? You have to stay this little,” I murmured with a pout as I finished getting her dressed for her birthday party. Henry had convinced me to not make it as big an affair as Madeline’s had been. Instead, we were just having our friends and families in our backyard for food, drinks, and swimming.

“Are there any tears yet?” I spun around to see my husband in the door, pristine as per usual, before quickly turning back around so he wouldn’t see my watery eyes.

“No. Why would you even suggest that?” Isabella was focused on the strap of my romper, pulling at it to try and get it into her mouth.

“Well, you’ve cried on all three of Madeline’s birthdays.” He came up behind me and gently stroked a strand of hair behind my ear, kissing the side of my head tenderly.

“I just don’t want them to grow up, is all. I like that they still want to snuggle with me, and I like that Madeline always wants me to paint her toenails or asks you to color with her before bed every night. I just don’t want any of that to change. I like my life the way it is right now.” Isabella squeaked from where she sat on her changing table, alerting us that she was still there and was upset the attention that wasn’t solely on her.

“What do you think, pumpkin? Are you always going to love your Mummy even when you’re a mean teenager?” She smiled as her father’s nose bumped against hers, grabbing at his face in order to give him a slobbery, open-mouthed, baby kiss. She had just grasped the action, and neither Henry nor I could stop asking her for kisses now that she had. “Why thank you,” he praised before pretending to eat one of her cheeks, her laughter chasing all my sadness away.

“Actually, you know what I should be worried about?” I asked as I moved away to fold up her pajamas and straighten out her crib.

“What’s that?” He lifted up one of his princesses and held her on his hip, her fist in her mouth.

“All of the fake friends that our daughters will have because their father is so damn good-looking.” It was actually a real fear of mine, even though my tone was joking. “And don’t you dare use this opportunity to make a joke about leaving me for a younger woman.” He chuckled at my outburst. I had to deal daily with people telling me husband’s wealth and job title made him an easy target for women on the prowl, let alone the fact that he was blessed with stunningly good looks.

“No, I leave the ill-timed jokes to Melanie.” My jaw dropped open at his casual remark. My husband tended to keep comments about my friends to himself, leaving the gossip and quips at dinner parties to me and only stepping in if he felt like I needed it. But he respected the fact that I could take care of myself. I enjoyed this sense of independence, with the assurance that he would always be there to protect me. “Why do you look like you’re in shock?” he asked with raised eyebrows, slowly bouncing Isabella from side to side.

“I mean, I know that wasn’t that cutting, babe, but I’ve never really heard you insult anyone ever, even in the slightest. That’s normally my job.” I smirked before walking over to him and resting my hands on his chest. “I’m somewhat proud.” I offered him a small kiss, which he took, but it didn’t go any farther as Isabella smacked our connected lips.

“You want a Mummy kiss, too?” Henry asked in his baby voice. I puckered my lips and leaned up to reach her halfway, pulling back with a smile even though I could feel how slobbery it had been. “That was a good one, little miss.”

“Mommy, Daddy, people are here!” Madeline’s voice called from down the stairs. I sighed at the prospect of leaving the embrace of two of my favorite people and having to entertain all our guests.

“Okay, might as well face the day, huh?” I asked before heading out of the room.

“Ready to party, little Issy?”

The party was in full swing: the smell emanating from the grill making everyone’s mouth water, children running around squealing, and adults laughing just as heartily. I was trying to keep a watchful eye on Madeline, who was trying her very best to keep up with all of her older cousins - goddesses in her toddler eyes.

“Madeline, don’t run near the pool, okay?” I couldn’t stop my heart from lurching in my chest every time she was within a few feet of the body of water, the gate that kept in enclosed constantly swinging open as people exited and entered.

“I’ll try, Mommy!” she called, before running back to her game of hide-and-seek.

“That child is going to give me a heart attack before she even enters kindergarten,” I groaned as I turned back around to the conversation I was engaged in on the patio.

“She wouldn’t be your child if she didn’t,” Matt said with raised eyebrows.

“Quiet or you can’t take her to toddler yoga classes anymore.”

“Excuse me for interrupting, but I believe the birthday girl is in need of her nap.” There was a collective ‘aw’ around the circle, Matt wasting no time in snapping a picture of his niece in her tutu, sound asleep on her father’s shoulder.

“I’ll take her in. You continue to man the grill. It’s a very sexy look on you,” I added with a wink. “Love your bum.”

“Me too!” I heard Matt call out with a laugh, though I knew he was totally serious. Having Isabella warm and sleepy on my shoulder was making me feel a little drowsy as well.

“Mumma might have to take a nap with you, little bug,” I hummed as I planted a kiss on her head. I bounced around with her for a little while, not willing to put her down and enjoying how peaceful just being with members of my little family could be. Deciding I had spent long enough away from my guests, I gently laid her down in her crib and kissed my fingers before placing them on her forehead. “Sweetdreams, my little pumpkin.” I took my time leaving her room, the monitor in my hands, before rejoining everyone back on the back patio.

“She go down okay?” Henry asked giving me a kiss as I went to stand by him. I nodded, slipping my arms around him in a side hug.

“Yeah I was just indulging in some cuddles for a bit. She was just too warm and heavy to put down,” I said resting my head on his arm.

“I think we should-” A scream that could only come from a child, followed by a splash, erupted in our backyard. We both jolted and turned in the direction of the pool and noticed two blonde space spuns floating in the deep end. Henry took off before I could even comprehend the fact that the flailing figure was my daughter. By the time my feet caught up to my brain, he was diving into the pool.

“Someone call an ambulance!” I heard someone yell as I made it to the pool deck. Tears were pouring down my face as my husband emerged from the water with Madeline over his shoulder, a sickly shade of blue.

“Why is she blue?” I yelled and went to move forward but was held back by someone. Her grandfather dropped next to her little body and began to perform CPR. Henry knelt next to her and was holding her hand. He seemed to be muttering something under his breath and looking like he was barely containing his emotions. I heard sirens coming down our street and blurred figures ran by me in order to open the gate and let them in.

I sent up a silent prayer, telling God I would do and give anything in order for Madeline to be okay. I was vaguely aware of the paramedics pushing their way through the crowd and Henry yelling that was his daughter and he needed to be with her and them insisting that he needed to step back. He was always trying to protect people and take care of them, rarely ever letting himself succumb to what the world threw at him. At least he never had in front of me. I wouldn’t tell him, but after every miscarriage I had heard his quiet tears in the bathroom, but they were private moments, and I let him have them.

I was shaking with my hands over my mouth where I stood, watching as they tried to pump life back into her body. I saw my husband crumple onto his knees with a sob.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Madeline.” Nothing could stop me as I ran over to him and pulled him into me. I felt so helpless, reduced to just sadness and worry, cradling my aching husband and watching my daughter suffer.

“Please,” I whispered over and over again. “Please.” I always believed in God, but in that moment his presence might have been proven as she sat up with a choking cough, water coming up with each breath.

“Mommy.” I moved quicker than I ever thought could be possible, crushing her against me with every ounce of strength and love I had in my body and sobbed into her hair.

“I love you so much,” I cried as I kissed all over her face, Henry coming behind me wrapping both of us up in his embrace.

“Never going to let you out of my sight ever again,” he muttered as he cradled her face in his hands. I didn’t know if I was ever going to be able to let her out of my arms ever again.

Everyone left the party soon thereafter, Henry and I not being able to thank the paramedics enough, promising them if they ever needed anything, they could reach us.

Madeline had been afraid to get in the bathtub that night but happy to shower in the master bathroom instead. I told her she had no choice but to sleep in bed with us tonight, the trembling in my hands not quite ceasing yet.

“Issy should, too, so we can be one big, happy family,” she yawned before I pulled her tighter against me. The four of us cuddled into bed that night, the girls falling asleep easily.

“Get some rest,” he murmured. “I can keep watch.” I knew it was a slight joke but both of us were still feeling sick over what had happened that afternoon.

“I don’t know what I would’ve done if-” I held back the words and hugged her closer to me again. “You jumped in, and I was frozen. If you weren’t there…” I let the tears fall silently.

“Don’t beat yourself up about what happened, okay? She’s here and she’s breathing. When she woke up, she yelled for you. You mean everything to her.” I nodded, feeling small for needing him to comfort me.

“Thank you for jumping in after her. You’re an amazing father, you know. They are the luckiest girls in the world because you’re their father.” I knew he worried at times over being away from them because of work, so I tried to soothe his fears as best I could without seeming like a fluffer.

“Blessed to have you as their mum.” I kissed his wrist which was extended towards my side of the bed when he was attempting to hold us all against him.

“Blessed to have you as my partner in life.” And I truly was.


	7. I Love You

It had been three days since I last saw him. It was all my fault, and I hated myself for it. In light of that fact, I had spent those three days in a nest that travelled from my bed, to my couch then back again.

“If you don’t tell me what happened, then I can’t help you out of this rut,” Matt tutted as he placed my Starbucks order in front of my defeated form.

“Talking about it makes it real,” I croaked while sitting up in order to drink. I saw his eyes widen as he took in my disheveled appearance once the blanket had fallen away. Greasy hair in a lopsided, knotty bun. An old sweatshirt of James’ falling off my shoulders and mascara smudged under my eyes.

“Have you bathed recently?” he asked with raised eyebrows. I shook my head. “Right, okay, well. It’s worse than I expected. Can I even get a hint?”

“You remember why I broke up with Will? Besides the borderline alcoholic reason.”

“It was getting serious, and you felt like, in some way, you were cheating on James,” he said. I had had numerous conversations with countless people since, trying to convince me that falling in love with someone wasn’t cheating. That it is what he would have wanted.

“Ok well…”

“Fuck me, you did it again?” He lurched forward in his chair, dropping his phone and slamming his cup onto the coffee table. I sniffled and nodded in response.

“We had just finished…sleeping together and maybe it was in his haze or maybe it wasn’t, but he told me he loved me, and neither of us had said that, and I froze and left once he fell asleep and-” I was cut off by a sob tearing its way from my throat. “I love him, too; I just don’t know how to say it. I didn’t know until he said it and I surprised myself. I’m so scared.” My arms snatched my teddy bear from where it had fallen on the carpet, and I hugged it against with conviction as though it was keeping me afloat in the ocean.

“Has he tried to reach out to you?”

“He calls twice a day and texts me little things here and there. Apologizing for whatever he did, for moving too fast, for scaring me off. Saying he’s here whenever I’m ready.”

“Have you responded to any of them?”

“No,” I said with another sniffle tacked onto the end. He snatched my phone from the table before I could even react.

“I’m getting him on the phone right now, and you are mending this relationship.”

“Do you even know my pass-” My question was cut short as he extended my phone towards me, and I could see the call was already ringing. “Fucking-”

“Hello?” His soothing voice wafted through the phone pressed to my ear coated my body in a serene warmth.

“Henry.” It came out of my mouth like a sigh. A release of tension that had built inside me for the past days. “Are you in a meeting…I’m sorry.”

“It’s nothing that I can’t reschedule.” I heard muffled voices in the background and then, presumably, the sound of his office door shutting. “I’ll always make time for you; you don’t have to worry about that.” The last part was whispered, since I had probably frightened him away from making anymore confessions.

“I don’t know why I called I just…it felt right. Like I needed to.” My eyes flicked up to see Matt was still just sipping his coffee with a smirk. “I feel like I need to apologize or explain what was happening on my end the other night.”

“This will be the first time I’ve ever been broken up with over the phone,” he said with a sad chuckled tacked onto the end. I stood up as he spoke, crossing into my kitchen and leaning against the wall.

“Henry, I’m not…I could never.” It was then that tears started to fall as the words because I love you surfaced onto my tongue, but there was no way I would tell him that while on the phone, him feeling so far away from me.

“Are you crying? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing I just…I want to see you in person. Is there anyway you can come over for dinner tonight? I’ll even cook,” I added trying to remain somewhat lighthearted.

“I’d like that very much. I’ll come by as soon as I’m finished with work.”

“Sounds great. I shall see you then.” I hung up before I could fuck up the productive conversation we had just had.

“So he’s coming over? You’re mending things?” I barely had time to catch my breath before I was being pounced on by a hopeful Fluff.

“I think we are. He didn’t seem like he had changed his mind about lov-loving me.”

“Of course he fucking didn’t. He’s actually a nice person who wouldn’t fucking lie to you like that. Even daft Melanie mentioned to me once that he looks at you like he loves you.” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes to try and compose myself.

“I need to take a shower and shave everything and use an entire bottle of Febreeze and shit did I eat that much? Can you help me take the garbage out and fold these blankets and fluff my pillows and change the litterbox and-”

“If you don’t take a deep breath, I am going to have a heart attack on behalf of both of us! You go shower and get glam, then come find me. I’ll start on that list.” I wasn’t much of a hugger, but I hugged him anyways as a way of expressing my gratitude.

“Thank you for forcing me to call him. And for dealing with my antics. Literally not sure why you do.”

“Cause you’re my Bless. Now go before I leave and make you do all of this by yourself.” I blew him a kiss before rushing off with a squeal to go and get ready to mend things with my lover.

A few hours later I felt I was clean and supple enough for Henry’s impending arrival. I had thrown on a grey and white striped dress that was comfy but not too casual. If he was coming from work, then he’d most likely be in a suit and tie so I didn’t want to be in holey sweatpants. The pasta I had made for him many moons ago was simmering in a pan on the stove, the cheese melting and making my mouth water.

I was checking on it when there was a knock at my door, the doorman knowing to send Henry up no matter the hour, without my permission needed. I peeked through the peephole just to double check. He was holding a bouquet of roses, and I took a steady breath before opening the door for him. Words got caught in the throat as I laid eyes on him for the first time in three days. He had let his stubble grow more noticeable, his hair the tiniest bit disheveled after his day at work, and my heart ached to see the beginnings of dark circles under his eyes.

“Come in. Dinner is basically ready. I made that penne dish you loved.” He stopped me from walking into the kitchen, dropping his briefcase and the bouquet of flowers, cupping my face in his hands. My own hands curled around his wrist, and I nuzzled my cheek into his palm. His forehead dropped to mine with his eyes closed, our scents mingling together in the most intoxicating way.

“Please don’t deprive me of you like that ever again. I could barely stand it.” He nudged his nose against mine, capturing my lips in a short but sweet kiss.

“Henry, I feel like I need to explain why I ran away like that.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No I want to. You deserve to know.” I threaded my fingers through his and led him over to my couch, tucking my legs underneath me as I sat to face him, our fingers staying locked together. “After James passed, it took me awhile to come to terms with the idea that I could feel that way and be that way with another man, and it would be okay. Will was the first person I tried with and opened up to afterwards, and he hurt me deeply. I ran from him for a million reasons, but one being that I felt like I was tarnishing James’ memory by being with another man in that way. I’ve been falling in love with you since the day that I met you, and you saying it the other night made it real. I was thrown back to that old fear, so instead of conquering it and letting myself admit to you that I loved you as well, I just ran away. I can’t imagine how you felt the next morning or the following days, because I was a dick and ignored you like that but I promise, with everything I have, that I love you. And I probably will for a long time, so if you don’t mind, you’re stuck with me.” I gasped at the end of my monologue, trying to read his expression through the tears in my eyes. He smiled and pulled me into his lap with a full-throated laugh.

“Say it again.”

“I love you. I love you. I love you,” I spoke with kisses planted on his lips with each declaration.

“Love me, if that’s what you wanna do, ‘cause now that you’ve said it, I just might never let you out of my sight again.” I giggled before expressing my love another time, engaging in a kiss and letting my hands explore his body in a way that they had been aching to for three days.

“Want to go help me work up an appetite?” I asked biting his lip.

“The woman I love needs tending to,” he groaned before lifting me up, laughing into my lips the entire way to my bedroom.


	8. If We Go Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of mscarriage

I snuggled into his chest once he was settled into the back seat, the drive from the airport to his childhood home lying in front of us.

“Does it feel good to be home, baby?” I mumbled into his chest, pressing a kiss to his heart. He had rolled down the window and taken a deep lungful of sea air, a content smile on his face that I haven’t seen in weeks, his eyes closed in pure bliss.

“Yeah. It does. I needed this, thank you.” I met him in a kiss halfway, bumping his nose softly with a smile and hoping his happiness would absorb into me. A month ago I had gone to the doctor’s with Matt for, what was supposed to be, a routine prenatal visit. It was the second time in my life, first time in my life with Henry, that I had been delivered the news of no heartbeat. Having to hear the news myself was one thing but knowing I would have to be the bearer of the news to my fiance hurt worse.

I flew to London to be with him as soon as I hung up the FaceTime call. It wasn’t a time to be alone. We hadn’t spoken much since I’d arrived. Neither of us knew what to say. As far as we both were concerned, it was a time for mourning.

He had finished filming his current project and everything felt off. Wrong. Unstable. I decided the best thing would be a getaway and what better place than Jersey. His true home and true love.

“Does your mom know?” I whispered quietly as the backseat of the car drifted into silence, Henry staring out the window, the sunlight bathing his chiseled features.

“Yes. I didn’t…didn’t know what to do when I hung up the call with you so I called my mum.” I nodded my head against his chest, my fingers snaking under his tee to rest against the warm, muscled skin of his torso. “Mum makes everything okay.”

He was out of the car faster than I could process the fact that we had arrived at his childhood home. His mother, Marianne, came bustling out of the house and pulled him into a hug.

“Mum,” he breathed it like a sigh of relief. I sat watching from where I stayed in the car. Watched Henry begin his healing process right before my eyes and wondered once again how I was ever supposed to begin mine. The driver came around and offered me his hand so I figured it would be an appropriate time to exit the car.

Henry pulled away from his mom who immediately rushed over to me, crushing me into her. I drew in a shaky breath but closed my eyes and tried to absorb as much love as I possibly could.

“Thank you,” I whispered quietly. She pulled away with a small, sad smile and cupped my face.

“You go rest up before dinner. I’m sure my baby boy doesn’t mind carrying in your bags.” His ensuing eye roll was enough for me to crack some semblance of a smile before I turned and made my way into the house.

The kitchen pulled me towards it like a magnet, the smell was inviting and the room one of my happy places. The stove overlooked the English Channel and the gentle breeze kissed my face softly.

“Mum made your favorite meatballs.”

“And your favorite cookies if my nose is correct.” His arms snaked around my waist, warms hands encompassing my stomach and I tried my hardest not to flinch as they rested there. I shut my eyes and tried to feel the love he was no doubt trying to send through me but it was overshadowed by my repressed feelings of anger. “I think I’m going to go take a bath.” The act of prying his hands off of me was attempted as delicately as possible before scurrying upstairs.

I held my breath through his childhood bedroom, not wanting to smell Henry in Jersey knowing the unique scent might just break me. I shut the door behind me and locked it, not wanting any intruders.

The water burned as I slipped underneath its soothing surface. My body seemed to unwind save for the tension that sat within me at my core. I knew eventually my feelings would need to come out or I’d suffocate under their constricting weight.

My toes rose above the water and I stared at them silently, thinking it would’ve been nearly four months now and my view of my toes would be increasingly less. The offensive appendages disappeared back under the water, which had grown cold, and I removed my whole self from the tub. I wrapped myself in a fluffy, blue towel and left to find Henry sitting on his bed looking through a photo album.

“Do you think the baby would have had my eyes or yours?” I pushed his words far, far away and began to dig through one of my duffel bags looking for clean clothes. “You haven’t spoken more than one sentence to me at a time since you got to London.”

“If one has nothing nice to say then they shouldn’t say anything at all,” I muttered without even looking up from my search. I found a Superman shirt and decided to put it on, maybe it would bring things back to normal.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Have I done something wrong? I’ve cleared my entire schedule for the next two weeks to be with you. What else can I do?”

“You’re here now but you weren’t there when it actually mattered, Henry.” It finally had come out. The root of all my ill will these past few weeks.

“So that’s what this attitude is about?”

“Attitude? Wow. Have you been on too many sets lately that you think everyone should just naturally feel enlightened by your mere presence?” He rolled his eyes at me and stood up from the bed and I felt the fight growing inside of me. My fingers flexed, ready for accusatory jabs and pointing, my tongue running against my teeth as if to sharpen itself.

“You knew this was my job long before you decided to come out of hiding and commit to me. And this lifestyle that you have been living lately requires money which doesn’t grow on trees.”

“Don’t fucking preach to me about commitment or I swear to God, Henry William, I will throw this ring in your face and never look at it again, got it? I don’t care about the money! Is this just another ploy for me to wax poetics about how much I love you? Jesus Christ.” I balled up my dirty clothes and walked to the empty suitcase to put them in.

“Well, this is great. Get it all out before the wedding. Would hate to go through this fight when it’s already too late.” He was spitting venom. The words tasted like vinegar coming out of my mouth, I didn’t want to lose him. I loved him and he made me love myself.

“Maybe I don’t want to marry someone who is going to be an absentee husband and father.” We both seemed to feel the cold slap of the words at the same time.

“Excuse me?” He was seething. Never had this level of anger been directed at me. Always at some handsy man at the bar or a pap who was feeling too sure of himself one night.

“Just forget it. I’m going to go home.” Before I could even process what my body was doing, I slid the diamond ring off my left hand and placed it on his nightstand. I grabbed my unpacked duffle bag and made my way quickly down the stairs and out of the house, not looking back.

I found a bed and breakfast to stay in, owned by a cute elderly couple. I felt bad that his mother had so graciously opened her home and I had behaved that way. No regrets filled me for what I said, only how I said it. It was how I felt and if I was going to be in a relationship with someone, I needed to know that I could say how I felt without fear.

I glanced down at my phone and grimaced with sadness when I realized he hadn’t tried to reach out to me since I had left. My nose crinkled as tears filled my eyes and I tried to fight them off. I shoved my phone into a drawer for the night and rolled over for a night of teary sleep.

The next morning I woke up and stared at the Delta website debating if I was actually going to go home and end everything with Henry, when I realized my passport had been left on the kitchen counter. I painstakingly went through the motions of getting myself ready for the day and made my way back to his family home.

Last night, his whole family had been coming over for dinner to see us and I felt guilty knowing I had probably ruined the whole thing. His mum’s dog, Bella, was at the back gate when I arrived and I made my way over to say goodbye to her.

“That dog loves you so much.” Startled, I looked up to find Henry’s mum.

“I just came to get my passport and I figured I would say goodbye to Bella.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat as I stood back up.

“So you’re actually going to leave?” My eyes flickered up to Henry’s bedroom window, half expecting to see him peering out but the curtains remained closed.

“I feel like I have too. After last night…I’m not even sure there is something to fight for.” It was a sad truth. That our relationship was lying on his bedroom floor like scorched earth and the possibility of picking up the pieces seemed too dim.

“Well, at least have a cup of tea and breakfast before you go. Can’t send you off with an empty stomach. I’ll meet you on the patio.” She didn’t give me a chance to say no, though I doubt she would’ve let me, before she turned and went back into the house.

I made my way to the back of the house, sitting on the swing that was fixed there with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders to combat the early morning chill.

“Double chocolate muffins from the bakery down the street. Henry always reminds me to have them fully stocked for you.” Marianne had come back with a platter of muffins and a cup of coffee which looked to be made perfectly with my taste in mind.

“Thank you. You don’t have too. I feel spoiled,” I gushed but descended upon the chocolate treat with a fervor.

“That’s the boy I raised. Always paying special mind to the women in his life.” I cast my eyes downward as Bella jumped up onto my lap. “I wish you wouldn’t go.” She said it like it was a plea.

“I wish I didn’t have to,” I responded, “But I’m not sure there is much left to fight for. I said something that cut so deep and I…I didn’t mean it at all. I just knew it would hurt and I’m afraid it did so beyond repair.”

“I feel like you were already such a part of our family. I know you two started on less than ideal terms but it always felt right to us, ever since you were in the picture. Know any of us will do anything you need in the future, regardless of who is in it, okay?” I nodded, afraid to speak for the tears that had formed in my eyes. She pulled me into a hug and the moment was interrupted by the sound of something slapping against the patio table. I looked to see that it was my passport, having been thrown down by no less than Henry himself.

“Is this what you came back for?” He was in a tee shirt and plaid pajama bottoms, his curly hair signifying he had come out here as soon as he had rolled out of bed.

“I just wanted to come over and say goodbye,” I murmured while keeping my eyes focused on the slate. His mother wordlessly stood up and went back into the house, Bella trotting after her. I felt his eyes bearing into me.

“So that’s it then? All we’ve gone through for nothing? You’re just going to get on a plane and forget about us?” I shook my head and stole a quick glance up to him.

“I could never forget you,” I whispered like I was telling him a secret as I had so many times before.

“Do you really have that worry about me as a father?” His voice had gotten softer. His eyes molten and moisture beginning to accumulate. “You know how worried I am about having kids and being away all the time. They’ll have the most amazingly perfect mum in you and I’ll just be some man in the background.” I shook my head and let the first tear fall, extending my hand for him to grab and gently tugging him to sit next to me. As soon as he was next to me my lips were on his. My leg swung over his so I was sitting in his lap, the entire expanse of his hands around my face and pulling me into his kiss as if I would ever try to escape. My own hands were tangled in his hair and tugging gently with each moan and gasp that escaped me from overwhelming passion.

“Henry, Henry slow down,” I gasped as he nipped at my neck like a man depraved.

“I have to…have to prove myself. Keep you here. Can’t give you any reason to run away again.” His eyes were closed as if he was in some sort of a trance, his thumbs tracing over my features to confirm I was real.

“I promise I won’t ever again. I promise. I could never love anyone the way I love you. No one could ever make me feel loved the way you do. I promise, I promise, I promise,” I chanted knowing I would do so until he believed me if I needed to. I let him shakily slide the diamond ring back onto my finger where it belonged.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I let you down. I let our baby down. You don’t have to forgive me.” I saw his tears and a split second later I had his head tucked into the crook of my neck.

“I forgive you. I love you, forever and ever, Henry, okay?” It was the first time I had properly seen him cry tears of sadness. “I need you as much as you need me, okay? Be my rock and I’ll be yours.” We would never be alone again, I had him forever and nothing could make me happier.


	9. One More Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of body negativity, illusion to sex.

“How long has it been again?” I followed Matt onto my back porch with two mugs of coffee.

“Since he left or since we had sex on Skype?” I responded with an innocent look as we each picked a chaise sit down on, the Hampton air making us both feel uniquely at peace. I tended to retreat to this house whenever Henry left for a movie as it made me feel more secluded and private. I wasn’t faced with reminders of him and his lack of a presence every turn I made. I had packed up the kids and all the animals and made our way here to stay for the foreseeable future.

“Both,” he replied with a raise of his eyebrows.

“Three months, three hours.” I prayed he would swallow his drink before the laugh came out, the motif of this house was all white, and thankfully he did. “I have to do something during naptime.”

“I literally can’t stand you two sometimes,” he squeezed out between bouts of choking laughter. I smile knowing he actually loves my family and me like they were his own. “Are you going to go visit him at all?” I shake my head, suddenly saddened by the prospect of not seeing my husband for a further amount of time.

“He’s in the heart of Iceland and doesn’t think the girls would enjoy themselves,” I explain as I take a sip of my drink.

“Can’t you have a nanny stay with them here and you go? Or have them stay with a relative? Me and Daley even?” My response dies as Madeline comes running out onto the porch, Zeus trotting behind her.

“Mummy my bow fell out!” She’s gasping for air and looks to be absolutely devastated by this development. Her chubby hand is extending the red ribbon towards me like she is asking me to heal a fatal wound.

“Would you like me to fix it for you?” She nods eagerly, already turning around to give me access to the end of her braid. “What do we say?”

“Pwease, Mummy.” I smile and kiss the top of her head, my hands working smoothly to put the accessory back into place.

“All fixed, munchkin. Can I have a hug?” She nods excitedly and launches her little body at me. Her little arms wrap around my neck and squeeze as tight as they possibly can. In return I squeeze back just as tight, trying to convey all the love I have for her in the act. I never wanted any of my kids to go a single second without knowing how much their Mom loves them.

“I love you, Mummy,” she whispered quietly before breaking the hug and running eagerly back into the house to continue playing, Zeus dutifully trotting back inside with her.

“See? She and Isabelle need me. You think a nanny would know how she likes her bow tied? Or how she likes her pasta? Isabelle’s bedtime routine is not for the faint of heart. Not to mention my fur babies! You think any old person can just trounce in and treat them with the love and respect they deserve? Who will tell them Fauna needs her food brought to the window? Let alone get the shepherds acclimated to them. No. It’s too much work. I run this household, only me.” My impassioned speech had worked me into a bit of a frenzy, frustrated tears beginning to pool in my eyes. I dropped my head into my hand and my shoulders shook with the effort to not cry.

“Bless, what’s wrong? Talk to me.” Matt scootched closer, offering me his napkin as a tissue.

“I’m afraid to lose myself. I love being a wife and a mom more than I even thought imaginable. This is what I am meant to do but…but what if I am losing just plain old me? Not in relation to anyone else. Just me.” My fingers wiped under my eyes, I hadn’t gone through the extra effort of waterproof mascara.

“I think the best thing about wife you and mom you is that with your family, the one you’ve built with your gorgeous, peach ass husband, you are the best version of yourself. Hen, Madeline, Isabelle and I would never let your light dim. And the millions of children you want that Hen was lining up to get in you.” I giggled at that.

“Once he got one out of me, he was more than willing to put another back in,” I joked thinking of my husband whom I often referred to as a papa bear.

“Go see him. You need him. He’s your sustenance.” It was true. On more than one occasion, I myself, and others had said when Henry left, I wilted like a flower without the sun. I hated the idea that I relied on a man for anything, no matter how much I loved him. But I also know I have to admit to things when they are true, and this is true. The way his love empowers me is a feeling I can only pray more people in the world are able to experience. On our wedding day, we exchanged rings and tiny pieces of our hearts, both of our children’s births were another piece of heart and a little addition of soul. So when we were apart, he harbored a piece of me with him. It hurt to breathe.

“Is that admitting defeat?” He shook his head fervently.

“It’s admitting you need a minute. A pick me up. You put so much into your kids and husband, put a percent of that into yourself for once. Go buy some lingerie from that kinky store you like and get on a plane.”

“Fine then. But you and your husband are staying here. I’m not hiring a nanny. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make some lists.”

Iceland was stunning. I peered out the window of the car the whole ride to the hotel, all of this in secret. I had contacted Henry’s agent to help coordinate, making sure I’d have enough time to land, collect a key and let myself into his room. I had taken Matt’s advice and gone to Agent Provacateur, purchasing a light pink, silk padded plunge bra with a narrow, black lace trim, picot edging and a tiny black bow between the cups and at each apex. I had everything strapped into place and was assessing myself in the mirror. In spite of myself, I sighed when my eyes fixated on the stretch marks under my arms and the top of my breasts, not even bothering to glance at my stomach and thighs.

“Wow.” I turned quickly to find that my husband had let himself into the room. I shrieked and ran over to him.

“Henry, go back out and come back in! This was not how the surprise was supposed to go.

“No. I don’t want to waste another second when you’re here with me and dressed like that.” He took a step forward and I grabbed a pillow, pulling it back as if I was loading it into place.

“You take another step towards me and this lingerie never comes off.” He smirked at me devilishly.

“I’ll take that challenge.”

“OUT. For me? Please?” I could sense the threatening wasn’t doing anything to lessen his libido for even a second, so instead I turned pleading and ready to guilt trip. He hung his head in defeat before turning around and stomping out of the room.

“I’m counting to fifteen and then I will be back in. No stopping me then.” I nodded excitedly with a little squeal, waiting until the door shut behind him before lying on my side with my head propped up on my arm in what I hoped was a sexy pose. I pursed my lips into a pout as the doorknob turned and Henry walked in again. “What have I done to earn such a gift?” He shed his jacket as he walked over, his shoes thrown across the room followed by his belt.

“You’ve been gone for too long and I need to keep up with my addiction,” I murmured as he crawled over me and took my bottom lip between his teeth.

“And what have you done with our little minions? Do they miss me?” My hands made quick work of untucking his shirt and throwing it out of sight.

“I left them with Matt and Daley.” He paused.

“You? You left our children in the hands of someone else?” My hand cupped his face as I pulled him in for a bruising, breathless kiss.

“Aren’t you proud of me?” That earned me a giggle replaced by a moan as his hand slid to give me a quick spank. “Make love to me, Mr. Cavill.”

“Oh I plan too, Mrs. Cavill. All night long.”

I lost track of time as we made our way around the room and in every position we could think of. We were lounging on top of blankets, I in a black silk satin and sheer tulle robe. Henry had ordered us a delightful room service dinner of fried chicken and peanut butter cookies.

“I’m very happy you decided to come and surprise me. I’ve been missing you and the girls lately. I’m sorry I haven’t had enough time to chat more.” He was rubbing soothing circles on my hand as he divulged his sorrows.

“We miss you, of course we do. I make sure to remind them that you love them all the time. They know Daddy has to work.” He placed a gentle kiss to my forehead as if we was sealing in all of his love.

“I want to talk to you about something but I don’t want you to get cross at me for inquiring about it.” I nodded my head slowly, using my thumb to smooth a wrinkle that had formed between his brows. “Earlier when I came in the first time. Were you looking at your stretch marks again?”

“I’m allowed to look at them, Henry,” I defended with a stern tone.

“You analyze,” he clarified. I fell onto my back, trying to stop the tears from falling out of my eyes.

“It’s not the marks. They are badges of honor to show I carried and supported and nourished the two most precious beings in this universe. I just fear that…a mom and wife is all I’ve been reduced to. I love my roles and having a family has always been the most important thing to me. But I still need to find a way to be me.” My hand rested against his heart and I tried to center myself in time with his heartbeat. His lips connected with mine briefly.

“I’m glad you told me. I know me being gone all the time puts a lot more on your shoulders and you’re so good about making sure when I’m home that I can just be a dad to the girls. But that’s unfair. I should make more of an effort. Don’t argue me on that, love.” He knew I loved a good argument and I groaned at the thought that he was denying me such.

“Actually…I just miss you. It’s all a ploy to get you to stay home more.” I squeaked with delight as his arms slipped around my waist and he rolled to be fully on top of me.

“I’m serious, baby. Let’s do whatever we have to do to get you feeling like you again, okay?” My pointer finger traced down the slope of his nose before bopping the tip.

“Being with you seems to do the trick just fine, Mister.” He quirked his eyebrow up as high as I have ever seen it go.

“Well then, I suppose we must stay up all night long in order to fully work out these issues.” His hands were already sliding the sheets down my body.

“Whatever you prescribe, Doctor.”

“Well then,” he mused as he spread my thighs, “Let the games begin.”


End file.
